Hard & Clear #1: 9/23/14
  • It hurts that I avoid responsibilities to be there for you and you don’t even say thank you
  • It angers me that you don’t even notice
  • It upsets me that I feel like you don’t care
  • It’s all of the above when you seem to only care when I’m walking away
  • It hurts when you can’t take 1 minute of your time to get off the couch and crack my back
  • It angers me that you expect me to do everything for you immediately but you can’t do that for me
  • It pisses me off that I spent the day feeling like complete shit to the point of puking
  • I’m upset that writing this is making me cry

Today started off so horribly. So, so horribly. I got two hours of sleep after fighting with someone and woke up in a state of extreme anxiety and depression. I skipped my first two classes. I didn’t pay attention to my third. By the time I got home, I almost puked from being so upset. I’ve never gotten that feeling before and I hope I never have it again.

And now I’m sitting here attempting to make my life better while feeling under-appreciated by everyone I know.

I just want to disappear and watch as my friends and family crumble because they don’t:

a. have someone to pick on anymore

b. have someone who listens to all their problems

c. have someone who drops everything she is doing just to help them

" I understand. That’s the trouble. I understand. I’ll understand all the time. All day and all night. Especially all night. I’ll understand. You don’t have to worry about that. "